Football enthusiast Simon Smith, 43, has given his Umbro 5-a-side shorts a fitting final farewell after they disintigrated during game at his local leisure centre.
Mr Smith crafted a Viking long boat from lollipop sticks and empty beer cans then placed the hallowed remains in the vessel.
With his wife, Susan, having to physically support his trembling frame, he set the boat alight with a lit fag.
However, she was somewhat baffled by the outpouring of emotion from her husband.
"The weirdest bit was when he sang Amazing Grace, really out of tune, as he pushed the boat onto the water."
Through his pathetic sobs, Mr Smith summed up his feelings.
"Part of me died with them.
"I've worn them in every game I've played since I bought them from Intersport in 1997.
"They've been soaked in sweat, blood and cocktails; I literally didn't take them off for two weeks on a lads holiday to Zante in '98.
"However, I'm happy they went out on their shield when they disintigrated after a lung-busting 12 yard run.
"They weren't just shorts. They were a friend.
"I know that I'll have to move on at some point. My wife bought me some new Nike shorts. But it's too soon.
"I'll just play in my trackies for a while; it's going to take time to heal.
"I take some comfort from knowing they're in a better place now - at the bottom of a canal."
ความคิดเห็น