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Man can only afford fancy trainers for midlife crisis

The cost of living crisis has hit the nation's most vulnerable. However, no-one is suffering more than middle-class, middle-aged men. One...

Bojo to take award winning shitshow on final tour

Boris Johnson has announced that he is taking his spectacular clusterfuck on the road after a sold out London run. It will be his final...

25-year-old Umbro football shorts given Viking funeral

Football enthusiast Simon Smith, 43, has given his Umbro 5-a-side shorts a fitting final farewell after they disintigrated during game at...

Divorced dads riot over cut-price Easter eggs

Supermarkets have seen choas akin to that of Black Friday sales after they reduced the price of their Easter eggs. Hordes of divorced...

Pack of chihuahuas hunt down jogger in park

A local jogger has been attacked by multiple yappy muts while he was running laps of a nearby park. David Douglas went for his bi-weekly...

Nobody can be arsed visiting friends who live abroad

When Trish and Tommy Talbot moved to Australia, they thought they'd be inundated with folk visiting them all year round. However, it...

Prison sentences for people who eat apple cores

The government has announced punitive measures for those who insist on eating apple cores. From tomorrow, the act will result in a two...

Denim jeans introduced to Newcastle

Newcastle has been changed forever after pairs of blue denim jeans arrived in the city, replacing the ubiquitous grey trackie bottom....

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