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Writer's pictureM.J Hughes

"Never a penalty!" says Roy Keane after player decapitated in box

ITV football pundit Roy Keane has dubbed modern footballers "pathetic" after a player in last night's big match had his head kicked clean off his shoulders and was awarded a spot kick.

During the half time analysis, Keane sneered, "The game's gone soft.

"It was a man's game in my day. You could throw an elbow into an opposition player's face, rake your studs down his calf and suplex him through a flaming table without giving away a penalty."

Despite other pundits, VAR and fans of both teams agreeing with the referee's decision, he refused to budge on his position.

Keane then deployed the "for me" defence which deluded people use to justify something that is clearly wrong.

"For me, it's not a penalty."

Host, Mark Pougatch, then had the official FIFA rule book projected on to the stadium's big screen with the specific rule highlighted in bright yellow which forbids defenders from decapitating strikers with a devastating tornado kick.

However, Keane at this point stuck his fingers in his ears, closed his eyes and said,

"Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah..."


After several minutes of this he finally uttered,

"No amount of clear, undeniable proof will change my mind. Facts are facts."


It has been reported that Keane's pig-headed stubborness and belief that everyone is a snowflake except for him has landed him a job as lead football pundit on GB News.



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