Local dad Harry Harvey has revealed plans to send his first born son to, "one of those ninja schools that teaches you how to rip someone's heart out."
Despite his wife clearly stating that no such martial arts school exists, Mr Harvey remains convinced he saw one in a film he was watching late one night, possibly while high. Possibly starring Nicolas Cage.
He went on to explain: "You want your kids to do better than you did. I got bullied a lot at school for no other reason than I used to eat head lice and piss my pants for money.
"I just want my boy to know enough so he can plunge his tiny hand into the chest of a bigger boy and pull out his heart as blood gushes everywhere.
"To hold the beating heart of a school bully in your hand while screaming, 'VICTORY IS MINE!' sends a pretty clear message to other would be bullies: 'I'm not to be messed with, pal.'
"Whether he chooses to feast on it as a final insult to the bully, I leave that up to him; it's important that kids learn to make their own choices."
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